I wish I was strong enough

 to lift not one but both of us.

Don't you forget about me.

And with this I (may) say goodbye to this blog too.

The City that Never Sleeps

I have lived at about 15 different addresses in major cities of different countries. My accent is a little messed up because of that, haha. I have to keep switching accents depending on who I speak to, although my Australian accent is completely obliterated thanks to living in the States for four years now already. Now moving to the UK isn't going to make it any better on my already-weird accent.


As I get older, packing my bags and leaving to a new country excites me less and less - maybe I finally just want to settle down. My wanderlusting days may be coming to an end, perhaps after this one last big move. But then again, as someone wise said to me, our home is not this earth. We cannot make any of our addresses permanent, we are only traveling in it for a short amount of time before returning to where we truly belong. 


As I listen to Ruby by Foster the People, I somehow feel like the song is a little about me (songs have the amazing capability of doing that to ya) and that everything will be alright. I have God and he will always, always be with me til the end of my days, when I finally stop traversing this earth. That's a comforting thought, the only thing that keeps me constantly going.


Goodbye New York, and all its inhabitants. I didn't miss Kansas, Kuala Lumpur or Australia much when I left, in fact I couldn't wait to leave, but I'll truly miss this city that never sleeps.

10 Days

Tonight, as I spoke to my Lord sitting up (I usually talk to him in a sleeping position), crosslegged, he didn't exactly give me answers but gave me Peace. He's here, in me, around me, wherever I go and whatever I decide to do. I love that I have Him - it feel so safe and secure.

If I decide to leave in the next couple of days, I have only about a week left in the Big Apple. That's a scary thought. I always thought I'd have more time here somehow. And I know I'm always saying I hate New York because it's dirty, polluted and swamped with people everywhere but the UK will feel strangely clean and empty.

There's so many more places to see, and go here... I don't want to leave just yet. I need another month, but I can't...

I'm not prepared to leave. But I have to be. I have to be strong, like I always have been. Like I'm expected to be. And here I am breaking down. Sobbing like a child.

And that's okay. Because I have You in me. I can rest in Your arms.

YES TO CARROTS

So some of you may know that I'm an organic junkie. I love using organic products but somehow never got on the train of using them on my hair. My hair is super easy to take care of - I literally just wash and go, but lately it has been going through a dry spell. I'm not sure if it's because summer's here and perhaps it's taking a toll on ma' mane.

I don't like fussing over my hair - it's the one thing I'm very low maintenance about apart from my body, as in I don't slap on a thousand products on both my hair and body, I don't suffer from body acne or anything like that. It does fine with whatever I use so I kinda never give it love. I treat both very harshly, in fact. I find it painstaking to slather, exfoliate and moisturize, never spending more than 10 minutes in the shower. I really don't know why people take so long to shower! All you gotta do is put soap, splish splash - done! Anyway, today I took my time. I actually scrubbed and pampered myself, even sang a little song and did a little dance. Yeap. Still only took 13 minutes, haha. When you're feeling brave, you should tell me what you do in there for an hour, ladies.

Eventually the dry hair spell got to me. My ends were looking like straw so I got them snipped off. I also gave in to using organic shampoo and conditioner from the YES TO CARROTS/TOMATOES line. Sodium Lauryl/Laureth Sulfate or SLS found in most non-organic shampoos apparently strips the hair off its natural oils and is the same thing used in laundry detergent. They aren't that pricey at all, only a coupla bucks more than your usual Pantene. Better still, they are like 17oz bottles (translates to huge) and will last forever.

My hair is screaming for attention and I will give 'em some for now. When they behave again, maybe I'll go back to my old ways still continue using the YES TO CARROTS line :) 

The verdict? Shinier, healthier hair, more peace of mind not putting harsh stuff on my head. Woot!

I'm sold.

(btw I just bolded some words to make your reading easier, if you don't have the patience to read every word)

Blow me one last kiss.

I'm not one for pop songs, well not much anyway. I actually don't even really like this song but here's the first stanza for Pink's "Blow Me One Last Kiss". I just kinda randomly came across it.

White knuckles and sweaty palms from hanging on too tight 
Clench of jaw, I've got another headache again tonight 
Eyes on fire, eyes on fire, and the burn from all the tears 
I've been crying, I've been crying, I've been dying over you 
Tie a knot in the rope, trying to hold, trying to hold, 
But there's nothing to grab so I let go. 

A Dog Story

Okay, first of all let me begin by saying I'm allergic to dogs.

So you can imagine that no dogs have been allowed near my side since I was really young. Growing up, I'm used to dogs being put outside of the house so my thinking was that dogs belong outdoors. I didn't even know there was a difference between indoor and outdoor dogs until yesterday, Some people may think this is ignorance, but I simply grew up in a different culture and I'm not a dog person. Me being allergic to them doesn't help either. 


I'd always thought that taking care of a dog is simple - as long as there's food, water, shelter, regular checkups and love, they will be fine as they're tough animals. But not so much anymore after an incident two days ago.

On another note, it amuses me that some Americans are such avid pet lovers that they'd freak out over an honest mistake - to the point where they don't even give you a chance to explain your side of the story, instead, assuming you're a horrible person who is blatantly irresponsible and cruel to animals.

That aside, I looked into the Bible to see if it says anything about dogs, and all pets/animals for that matter. Unfortunately not much is said except that we humans have dominion over all the creatures of the earth in Genesis and that dogs/animals don't go to heaven.

So let me end by saying that I don't hate dogs, because hating them is hating God's creation, but I just prefer not to take care of one. Except maybe a Husky, which I know involves a lot of work. I should start with taking care of a fish first. 

The Help

Today I feel like an absolute failure. I have no job, I'm not sure what my future is going to look like, I lost a dog I was supposed to take care of (left him outside thinking he'd be okay on his own with food and water, only to find out it's "animal cruelty" to leave him out here all day long), I don't know what to do regarding my living situation, I just don't know a lot of things.


I'm tired, God, I'm tired.


Help.

Flatlining.

Since graduating 3 weeks ago from my Masters, I have been in some kind of a plateau state - in both the academic sense and in general. Since I'm so used to my academic world dictating my life for the past couple of years (e.g. I had no reservations of packing my bags and moving to New York for school 2 years ago, besides me being certain it was under God's direction) I now am, for the lack of a better word, at utter lost.

Call it a quarter-life crisis, or whatever else they call it these days. There are some nights I feel like giving up Psychology altogether, and going into Music like I had originally wanted. Then there are some where I feel like pressing on and bearing through this flat-line stage - I know it will pass. I do miss the comfort of college, having assignments to do and doing them well, having a schedule all laid out for me but hey this is God telling me to rely on him one day at a time, and stop relying on my humanly strength.And with God on my side, what do I have to fear? 


Deciding the next big stage in life is not an easy feat, but it isn't impossible either if we submit to what God intends for us to do. I know not everyone goes through this plateau state, there are some who are blessed in already knowing what comes next. But that isn't the point either, if God wills this for me then I will go through it and come out of it loving Him all the more. 

Is this goodbye?

My stint in New York may be coming to an end, as soon as a month from now. And I already miss it. Two years ago I wouldn't have but I've come to appreciate it of late.

The Hunger Pains.

"Eat me, I'm delicious," says the Kebab.

Everytime after finishing my dance classes, I get ravenous. I'd gobble food up like an ogre. Today I was just putting food down my throat at 11.30pm at night (that's when the classes end) - hotdogs, kebabs, pringles, sugary drinks............. Then again, I'm not one to diet. I hate dieting and I just eat whatever I want, whenever I want like a boss.

Maybe I ought to check up on my seemingly bottomless stummy.

Doppelgangers

Ever had that moment when you see someone, but you're not sure if it is them or not, so you don't say anything and neither do they? You catch them looking at you, and you do your own double takes, but at the end of the night you're so glad you kept your mouth shut because IT'S NOT THEM AFTER ALL.

Phew.

On a good day

I eat breakfast - hey it's easy to forget
I finish my homework - well it's not so fun doing
I crack a few jokes - takes effort in being sociable
I wash the dishes - not my favorite thing to do
I tidy up my dance choreography
I feel close to God
And I eat 3 slices of cheesecake.

Call me crazy.

I'm on a crazy streak lately, maybe it's all bottled up inside and I just need to let it come out and play once in a while! I got this gorgeous blue clip on hair extension. Just one piece. Looks good against my dyed jet black hair, so I think anyway. It's clip in, so no commitments. Sephora has other colors but I only like the blue one, the others are a little overboard for me (and you're probably thinking "like this isn't overboard enough"). But really, this really isn't THAT crazy. I've had real extensions before, the kind that is glued to my hair. This is nothing :)

Swing Dancing

First time I swing danced with strangers today.
First time I swing danced at all.
How was it?
Let's just say I do better at hip hop.

Mind Bokeh/Vignetting the Compost

Both nice albums. I deserve to listen to mindless tunes after 2 straight days of job applications.

Easter baby.

So it's my birthday today :)
Which means God has been taking care of me for 23 years.
Tomorrow He rises, and I'll (or Mary Magdalene rather) be the first to discover that He's alive. Woot!
Kinda perfect that I'm named Magdalene dontchathink?

Nyeh nyeh nyeh.

I'm not sure about a lot of things, like what's the next step of my life
but I'm starting to be at peace with the fact that I don't know what's next.
As long as God is my one constant thing, I'll surely be fine.

Jesus, please don't weep.

I'm sorry I helped crucify you.

Let's talk thongs.

Not the underwear variety, but I mean flip flops.

Flip flops are my staple come summer. The kind I like is simple, and narrow at the toe area. I, being the cheapskate that I am, have always opted for $2 flip flops that can be found in Old Navy stores. However they are highly unconfortable, cuts into my skin and always leave striation marks (from it digging into my skin). At the end of summer, my feet usually looks like it's been through war.

I usually just ignore it and continue to wear them the next summer around. But this year, my body is showing signs of wear and tear. Yes, not even 23 and I have the body of a 50-year-old. My hips have been hurting a lot, my lower back occasionally too. My pelvis gets stiff and suffers from bouts of agony too.

It is time to do something about it. It was hard to justify spending $18 on a pair of flip flops (and this is after a 25% discount), but that's what I did. The whole time I kept thinking, "I could buy a dress with that money and keep using my lousy thongs!" (like that is going to help my back and hips at all). For me, flip flops are petty things that should not cost more than a couple of bucks. Eyes averted from the screen, I quickly pressed "Place Order" before I changed my mind.

Well my REEF Ginger thongs arrived today. And it's worth every last bit of the $18 bucks I spent on it. It has a wonderful arch support that my hips will thank me for. It's so soft, yet sturdy. Its tag even says that it's "ridiculously comfortable". Reviews online say it lasts for 3 years, and that's good enough for me. It is simple, and just how I like it. Bonus - these make my feet look dainty.

I'm sold to pricey  but good-for-body thongs.